Everybody Has to Start Somewhere

So I never used to realise that the state of mind you are currently in is a choice. And I know it doesn't always seem like that; more people than you would think suffer with mental health issues, with YouGov stating that one in four students suffer with mental health illnesses across the UK. The thing is, in order to be happy you have to choose to be happy, and I do realise this may be a bitter pill to swallow for some people, especially those stuck in a 'victim' state-of-mind.  Without getting into detail, and without trying to sound like I'm relaying a typically cliched case of teenage angst, I went through a few bad years when I was younger, not especially caused by anything in particular; I had loads of friends, a supportive family, everything in my life was pretty great in all honesty, and yet I was consistently and unexplainably unhappy. I think I've always struggled with pretty low self-esteem, and it was inevitable that it would eventually lead to a low point in my life. Be that as it may, I endured the few years of struggle pretty much by myself, and without acknowledging that my mindset was the route of the problem. I didn't really tell anyone about my state of mind, and I didn't realise that if I wanted to, I could decide to be happy. Now going back to that word 'cliche': for me, at least, it seems as though the more and more people I meet, the more I find who have suffered, or do currently suffer with mental health issues. Even as I grew up and became aware of the stigmatisations attached to mental illness - and the dismissal people would involuntarily offer at the mention of depression, or anxiety, with some even brushing it off as of a sign of weakness in others - I realised that mental health issues are overwhelmingly common, and something that a lot of people are quietly suffering with alone. Everyone nowadays can react and relate to fucked-up memes on the internet about the ups and downs of the human existence, yet when it comes to mentioning it during the harsh light of day, in real, 'offline' conversations, people cease up. They become paralysed at the prospect of being labelled with a certain mental health illness, and with the consequences this labelling has in modern society. So perhaps that's why people so often suffer alone, because society as a whole encourages us to keep our emotional vulnerability to ourselves; it moulds our suffering into something that we are taught can be fixed with consumerism, reality TV, and alcohol-fuelled denial.  I too kept to myself while I was experiencing my first own load of shit (and I'm sure there's more to come) to the point where I felt to be two different people: the fake, confident, happy persona I so desperately wanted to be - and half-succeedingly presented to those who didn't know me well enough - versus the insecure, pessimistic, anxiety-crippled girl that I actually was in reality, the girl who challenged every decision with "what if" and scattered tones of doubt and fear onto her every thought. I didn't realise that if I wanted to, I could decide to be happy. I didn't realise my ability to feel anything other than numb was in my control. Now, I know that being 'happy' is a state much easier talked about than achieved. I know more than most that when you're in that dark place you lose everything: your friends, the things you love to do, the person you want to be, and even the person you are - and that, admittedly, is a difficult place to get out of alone. However, although it is difficult, it is not impossible. With the help of my parents, friends, and most importantly, my own slow, yet steady realisation that I didn't have to feel down all the time, I decided to change my lifestyle, my mindset, my perception of the world, and evidently myself. Of course it didn't just happen overnight: it took months and months, and it's something I'm sure I'll be working at it all my life. Happiness is a state of being, and like every state of being, it takes work to achieve it, and constant work to maintain it; a fact that I have made peace with now.  I don't believe happiness is something you achieve only once, or a destination that you can arrive at - in the fear of sounding cliché yet again. But I do believe it's something you need to keep consciously working at everyday of your life. And to tell you the good news, it gets easier the more you do it, the longer you do it for, the more open you are with your loved ones, and the more you understand, embrace, and accept your emotions. If you are not honest with yourself you will never be able to feel truly happy. So whatever trivial thing is troubling you, or pessimistic pysche is governing your decisions, or deep-rooted insecurity is preventing you from achieving your goals, realise these are all things you have control over. Ask yourself, are these things more important than my own peace of mind? Do I want to let these things dictate how I feel? Do I want to allow uncontrollable circumstances to control me? And if the answer to all of the above is no, then you've found your first solution within the long and rutted process of repairing a damaged mind. A book that helped me a lot to recover from my first depressive episode is by a psychologist called Dr Steve Peters, entitled The Chimp Paradox. It's a rather eccentric method of analysis for the human mind, but its core message is that we, and not our emotions, are in control of our state of mind.  Now, admittedly, emotions are crucial to the human existence, they help to protect us, give us purpose, and create feeling and vibrancy in our lives. However, when they begin to take over from rational thought, and begin to start limiting the choices you have in life - leading you to become a shadow of your former self - that's when you have to say enough. You must claim back the power your emotions have stolen from you. You are not your emotions, as much as it might feel that you are sometimes. Your emotions are something you allow yourself to experience, something that you allow yourself to feel, and so emotions that cripple you to the point of depression are something that must be embraced, understood, and overpowered. You cannot stop the ebb and flow of your passing emotions, but you can control the impact they have on your mindset, your choices, and inevitably your life.  It really is about the way you respond to thoughts, feelings, and situations. Accepting that you have total control over your own state of mind and your life is a scary thing to come face-to-face with, but it is an entirely necessary thing to accept if you want to grow, evolve, and train your mind to become a vessel of strength, optimism, and vitality. You can't prevent bad things from happening to you, or even control the emotions that pass through your brain, but what you are in control of is your response to those things, those occurrences, and those negative emotions. Ultimately, you can choose to be happy, but only if you accept that it is a choice, and that your happiness is your own responsibility, and no-one else's. You are in control of your state of mind. But anyway, just a few of my rambling thoughts that I wanted to share with strangers on the internet.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Chimp-Paradox-Management-Programme-Confidence/dp/009193558Xhttps://chimpmanagement.com